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The Search For Serenity

I’ve lost myself. The feeling i once felt of having true happiness is gone, almost as if happiness wasn’t even a feeling i could feel anymore. I’m staring at myself through this mirror and seeing somebody i never seen before? Is this me? I asked myself because not once have i ever looked at myself in the mirror and wondered if the image showing back at me was myself. I couldn’t find one inch of happiness in my body, i was hurting, i was scared! I could feel my body starting to ache and chills running all down my body, what was i going to do? I started to feel like i wasn’t alone, as if somebody was inside of me. I started to fear myself and everything around me, i couldn’t walk without thinking it was somebody two feet behind me, i was drowning in my own consciousness. The feeling of feeling myself sink down into my body and seeing the world as i once knew, the happiness that i once felt, the people that i once loved begin to get smaller and smaller as if i blinked one more time my life would be gone. My heart is pounding at this point, I’m scared out of my mind. How did i allow myself to feel like a stranger in my own body? WHO AM I. I had no clue what to do. The feeling keeps getting stronger. I try to walk, the mirror faces away from me, tired of seeing an stranger and hiding the tears at the same time. I ran outside, not looking back, scared if i turned even a inch i would lose my mind seeing what’s behind me. I make it outside, I’m staring straight up, what’s wrong with me? I was just fine yesterday! I was just laughing, smiling, happy to be alive, and now I’m scared of my own identity! My heart begins pounding frantically, i take off running again! “TURN AROUND” this voice in my head says, i ignore it, “JUST TURN AROUND” the voice louder so loud and clear i couldn’t ignore it! I looked over my shoulder while i was running and the person i saw behind me was myself.

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