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Just Pull The Trigger

Updated: Oct 22, 2021

Just Pull The Trigger

As I’m sitting in this chair, tears are rolling down my face

I’m sweating out my shirt like I just finished running a Marathon

Chills are running down my body harder than ever

I can feel the ice cold barrel of the gun pointed right at my temple

I never knew I would find myself about to kill someone and never the less myself

How could I possibly let everyone down, I thought I had such a loving spirit

I thought I was on the right path

Why did I let a female stop me from taking my scholarships for her to just leave me the next year

Why did I stop playing an instrument that I was amazing at

Why did I never let myself have a voice!

The choices I made I will never be able to change

Now I’m suppose to move on?

I’m suppose to go smile to y’all and tell y’all my life is amazing

I’m suppose to check on y’all when I can’t even function

Instead of knowing I’m hurting, y’all tell me I changed.

Y’all tell me i need to find myself

Y’all tell me this is who you are

So let this bullet take care of everything y’all think of me

I’m not quitting just becoming what y’all think of me, a nobody

Best way to do that, is take myself out

I’ll become another life dropout

It’s to much for me

I had a good tryout, a nice throwout but this life is no longer going to work out

I’m tired of wearing the mask

I’m tired of experiencing numbness

I’m tired of experiencing changes

I’m tired of being under construction

I’m tired of breathing

My finger grips the trigger harder knowing that if I pull one more centimeter I’m blowing my brains out

Why are y’all telling me to stop now

Why are choosing to care about me when I’m finally making the decision to take myself out

Y’all never care when my life is full of joy and happiness

Y’all Just don’t understand how long I’ve been in this hideout, trying to stop this drought, but my efforts have been to the max and it’s time for me to check out

I know I wasn’t the best person in the world but I wanted to be different

I didn’t want to follow the same path to success everyone calls life

The unfairness, the racism, the disrespect, the undervalue you receive from people that were created the same way as you blows me

But my life is not together because I’m not trying to follow in y’all footsteps right?

Because I’m not a robot that’s suppose to move when someone says move and speak when someone says speaks, we’re not the same

My pieces in life were supposed to be moved diligently, out thinking the person next to me like we’re playing a board game

Everyone’s been moving the pieces to my life anyway they please and been washing me conscious and soul from my body like a hurricane

This bullet is to take away any of the life that’s left in me

Y’all have been blind to my words but it’s time to wake up to the world I see

You don’t need a degree

Nor A master key

Just let me know I’m not the only fish in the sea

When you realize it’s more to life, tell a friend so we can let the world know we’re woke and lit it up like a Christmas tree

Offing myself just shows weakness, like I cant handle myself as if I’m the weakest of the liter

It’s time to make a difference even if I spend my whole life proving something to myself

I remove my hand from the trigger

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